Okay so I'm sitting in the lobby of our wonderful resort in the Cayman Islands and unfortunately this blog is not an altogether happy one... I mostly want to get a few things off my mine.
NAMELY Reagan.... with international calling here in the islands I am unable to call him nor he I and I can recieve his texts but can't send anything back without a charge. Also as this is a family vacation my times as to when I can be online are restrictive... to say the least. And lord knows I can't have him beside me so sleep is pretty rough. Perhaps a family trip right after a "boyfriend" trip was not the best thing to do....
I'm trying to enjoy this vacation I REALLY am! Its just that what I was afraid of is happening. I mean I have fun doing things but there's that gnawing "Gosh I wish Reagan was here with me now." or "Reagan would love this" and such. It's driving me nuts not being even able to talk to him! As if I don't miss him enough as it is. Thank god we aren't having to deal with a deployment I'd be pulling my hair out. Anyway back to the point. This vacation is supposed to be fun and relaxing and all I feel is mostly mild irritation with my family and lonliness. Nothing like sitting ina resturant looking at the table across seeing a couple and unfairly wishing your dinner company was more to your liking. THEY ARE MY FAMILY! And while my sister and I have had some fun and laughs... I just want to be with someone else. I feel suffocaited by my family right now. Maybe I should have followed my gut and not gone on this trip. Reagan and I would be snuggled up in front of the fire at my house right now... but the choice is made. He is just soo distracting!!! I hate it!!
Do these feelings make me whiny, selfish or just flat out insane. I mean I should be enjoying my time with my family but HE's all that's in my head. I love my family but I think I'm getting ready to start living my own life and he is a HUGE part of it right now... and obviously something I consider vital... And as I type this I keep cursing him in my head for not being online. All I've heard from him since arrival is "hey babe, hope you're having an awesome time...." I wish I could tell him about the things I did today! And hear his voice I miss him soo much! Especially about the iguanas we saw all over the island today! But again here I sit. Anyway back to the room...
PS: Tomorrow... PARASAILING!!!
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Oh dear! Young love is soooo sooo passionate and enthralling and all encompassing. No you are not selfish or insane. This is normal. Not to say easy. For you or your family or anyone close to you! However, if I've learned anything in this crazy life it is this: Love what is. You are where you are and you might as well enjoy it. Because NOW is all there ever is. And yes, it is a choice. Always you have that power to decide how to respond to your circumstances. So my dear young friend, take good care of yourself and let go of that which is out of your control and enjoy what is. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking about you, hoping you are able to zen out and enjoy. Hope parasaling, shopping and that big ocean are all worthy focus points. Blessings, and Happy Thanksgiving. Did you get your marshmallows?
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