We Can Make It Through!

Gotta love that Arashi song, mostly cause the video is hilarious but anyway!

So the news, it's official I am going to North Carolina for a week or two this summer! I'm soo excited I can't wait to see Reagan again! I miss him so much! And it will be fun to meet all his buddies, cause he talks or rather bitches about them all the time, that and it will be my first time going to the East Coast!!! (>w<) I hopefully can convince him to drive me to Duke so I can see my friend Dovina while she is doing a summer reasearch project there.

In other news... I registered for classes last week and here are the results

Monday:
1200-1250: Survey of British Literature
1300-1350: Japanese Year II
1400-1450: Introduction to American Literature
1500-1550: 300 Level Composition: Writing Arguments

Tuesday:
1300-1350: Japanese Year II

Wendsday:
1200-1250: Survey of British Literature
1300-1350: Japanese Year II
1400-1450: Introduction to American Literature
1500-1550: 300 Level Composition: Writing Arguments

Thursday:
1300-1350: Japanese Year II

Friday:
1200-1250: Survey of British Literature
1300-1350: Japanese Year II
1400-1450: Introduction to American Literature
1500-1550: 300 Level Composition: Writing Arguments

My schedule is like exactly the same, lulz but no need to worry about that now... Thankfully I only have to keep it together for three more weeks then I'm free!!!!!!

The space between YOU and ME

TO: YOU

"I worry."

That's two words. I wish YOU would say more on that. Elaboration is... essential. What is the context and source of this "worry", what are YOU worrying about?

It tells ME nothing, are you worried about something small like apricots, how old those Chinese leftovers are, or are YOU worrying about something bigger, orders, insecurities, about ME and what I do, or someone else, or even for YOU? My list could go on for days.

YOU said YOU didn't know what to say and YOU didn't know what YOU were feeling, but what's more frustrating was your hesitation to try and communicate what was going on in that head of yours. It was ME that painfully yanked the meager morsels out of YOU. I wish I didn't have to do that.

YOU said, "If YOU were here it would be easier for ME to say." What difference does that make, sure YOU can look at ME but the same words, in the same tones I know so well are going to come out aren't they? And despite how this distance makes ME practially curl up in agony at night I know that it's better to have agony then not have YOU at all. So I just want YOU to be honest and brave for ME, just like I know YOU are.

I am frustrated that YOU hesitate to even say something. Just say something, it may sound wrong, or insane or just plain, made no sense, but at least YOU said something. You're still bothered by what ever it is, I can tell and that's got me bothered.

And so, YOU are one bothered, and ME, I am the other bothered....And two bothers is just another bother, when WE shouldn't have to be bothered at all.

Love,
ME

Quickly!

So it's friggin Monday again... Lord how I hate the first day of the week! It drives me totally nuts! But anyway quick blog that is really just rambling if you wanna read about it.

-I'm working three shifts of work today, the next one starting in roughly 25 minutes. Go me and needing money and subbing for people.

-These past couple weeks I've suddenly done a lot of spontaneous and some stupid things. Like, donating 60 dollars to child cancer research, and shopping (niether of which I can afford at the moment) dye my hair, fall down stairs, and tell my mother about Reagan. Not to mention just put off my homework till I have a pile of it, which is now staring me in the face. Don't ask me why I've been doing these things cause I can't friggin tell you!

-I'm totally afraid that I'm about to tumble down the slippery slope. I'm so tired these days that I can barely stand and my Genetics grade is going to be the death of me, how is it that I study and the the worst grade I've had all term.

-I'm frustrated about Japanese. I didn't like the way my presentation went. XP and now in trying to find an oral interview partner I'm being left behind again, I really want to do well on this however chances are I will end up with a bum partner again... but really nothing I can do about it I guess, still its frustrating.

-Spring is flying by so fast that it's scaring me, and I still don't have summer jobs held down, which is driving me up a wall, cause I need to have the money so I can do things, like travel to the East Coast to see Reagan, that means a lot to me right now. And I'm frustrated for putting in all the hard work to like apply and such and then places are like "We don't need people anymore" or "I'm sorry we lost the application you hand delivered to us.".

-I still feel like a bad girlfriend. I made some brownies for Reagan this week, and they tasted very good, I just hope they will get to him before his duty tomorrow and that he will like what I wrote in the letter as well. But I feel bad because I can't really do anything that shows how much I care about him and that I want to put a lot of effort into this relationship but at the same time I'm not willing to sacrifice anything on my own schedule. He says he's okay with the fact that if it has to be him travelling to see me again, then that's how it will be, but that's not okay with me, one because I don't want him spending another small fortune to spend a few hectic days with me where half the time I will be working, that's not fair to him. That probably sounds petty but I guess I'm just trying to have my cake and eat it too.

*sighs* Okay so I'm now ending this shitty Monday rant, and oddly I feel just a bit better, but not too much.

FYI: Here's the new do.

Easter... for Takeout!

So today I got a box from my Mom for Easter and it had many a cute thing in it, as well as my bloomers which I left at home last time! YAY! So now I have proper undergarments again! I can walk in the wind without fear! I miss my mother but I feel better when I get a box from her, cause everything in it smells like home as weird as that sounds.

So here is the fruits of the package and my outfit for today and Phen thank you for telling me I look sunny! I needed it today, even though it probably didn't show.

So lately I've been bumming pretty hard because things are constantly building and I'm stressing like no other. Also I've had this overwhelming lack of motivation I just can't see why I'm doing what I'm doing when I wake up some days. I'm like... why am I even doing this I don't even really want to! Please let me roll over, open my eyes and I will be a housewife, and not an English student.I can't decide why I'm thinking this way because I really am passionate about English and teaching abroad and travelling to Japan, not as much as I am interested in some sciences like fertility and development and then forensic science, but my love of language is still a passion.I just hate being weighed down by all the assessments and extra STUFF we have to do for all of our classes, it's really got me down.

*sigh* I also am really missing Reagan, like everyday, and I'm so thankful that he is willing to sacrifice his few precious hours of sleep so that he can listen to me whine (cause that's really what I'm doing) and chatter with no real importance. His phone calls are what keep me going this past week or so, I just tell myself "If I can make it to tonight I can tell Reagan everything." I don't want to take him for granted I'm just not sure how I can repay him. He says he loves it when I just talk to him.... but for some reason I don't fully believe him, but maybe I'm just not used to a man actually truely caring like he possibly does.

Along that same line there has been talk of him making a return visit in May and I think that would be just lovely because the weather will be nice and I will get to see him again, but at the same time I'm so upset because he will have flown out twice and the SOONEST I will be able to afford to fly and see him is in August, which I hate, cause I feel like I'm not equally contributing.

Granted I feel worse when he threatens to just buy me a ticket to North Carolina and send it to me.

And also cause I'm missing Reagan.... another picture this time with the bear he gave me while he was here... but somehow he doesn't quite replace the real thing!

Rumor Has It...

Yes the rumors are true. As of this past weekend I have left the realm of singledom.Why am I only posting this now?

Well to be honest it's because I am not really sure how to go about desribing things but here goes.

So we all remember Mr. Marine? *nods* Well from now on we are calling him by his name, which is Reagan (I wish I knew how to spell his Chinese one but he wouldn't tell me, only how it was said), and he is the new offical man in my life, and as I write this I'm missing him like crazy again.

I'M SOOO FRIGGIN HAPPY! I can barely stand it! So here's the story.

Well on Thursday it fucking snowed... a ton! It made me so mad and it too Reagan like three hours to meet me, after he left the airport. It was really nice because we just spent the like whole night talking curled up in bed. I was worried that things would be awkward but they were just comfortable, it was like we had been dating for months it was just nice and easy.

Unfortunately we had to get up early on Friday morning (like 5:45am) so that he could get me back to the dorms on time for work. XP I really felt bad because I had to go to class on Friday so I couldn't spend the whole day with him so we really lost a lot of time, and I think it bothered him just a tiny bit even though he repeatedly stressed it was okay, but I had papers and stuff due so it was essential that I went.

Anyway back to the more important stuff.

Saturday and Sunday were really a mixture of censored content (If you feel compelled for details it would be best to ask in person. XD) and some serious shopping because we drove all over Denver and kept geting lost cause I suck at directions, but we hit up the 16th Street, Cherry Creek, and Lollicup, so it was nice day. That night we were laying in bed and one conversation went like this

He was like "I really like you... actually I think it might be sorta past the "like part""

"Oh? Really?"

"Yeah really."

"So where does that put us?"

"Well that would mean, you're definately 'my girl'. Sound good?" ((Gotta love how the military men don't use girlfriend XD))

A furious nod on my part "Mmm hmm!"

So I suppose that covers the how... so as for Sunday we just stuck around Ft. Collins and then had a quiet night complete with a looong bubble bath. I forgot how much I miss having a bathtub.

Unfortuately all good things must come to an end and so early Monday morning he left for the airport which turned out to be a hellish mess of delayed flights for him and I went to work very tired and very very depressed and I was kicking myself for not taking more pictures!

Nothing's been decided yet other then we are giving this long distance relationship a go, he is thinking of visiting again before I hopefully go to North Carolina in August to visit him... but those plans are so far away we will have to just see how things go.

Most of all I'm really happy right now not ony because he's adorable and asian (lol) but because I feel so at ease and that he can handle all my ridiculous and vain neuroses, without asking me why which now I'm thankful for, I will tell him someday though for sure. And if you know me at all those little things, like not wearing makeup around him... while seemingly insignificant to many are very important for me because of some things in the past... but no more focus on that, it's depressing.

That's really I have to say about it, it's really hard for me to blog about this for some reason I think it's because

I would rather share things with people in person So I will keep you updated for sure!

Ja mata!!

PS: If you want more detail or some of the more comedic moments or anything you know how to reach me!

PPS: Some of the few pics I took I hate how the first is blurry and he looks so silly in the second one... we were still sort of laughing after a CSU squirell nearly attacked us.

HAPPINESS: I'm Home!

So it's Sunday and time for a Happiness update! Normally I post these on only LJ but I felt like posting it here today as well!

So things that have made me happy!

-SPRING BREAK: I was soo ready for a break it was really starting to get hectic this term especially with working early in the mornings and late a night, makes for long days.

-Not having to work for a week. I miss out on money but I can't work if my job isn't open. But my paycheck Direct Deposited Friday! YAY!

- Since I've been home I have been receiving some very long late night phone calls and pleasent morning phone calls.... thank you Mr. Marine.

-Along that same line 11 days!!! (>w<) I'm sooo excited but also a giant bundle of nerves and it's just under two weeks away....
-I rewatched the VK DVDs Vol. 1 & 2 last night. I forgot how much I adore Yura-sama.... lawls

-I'm happy to be home with my family even though it's once again back to the House Rules and the bickering of my sister and my parents... ah home sweet home.

-I also went shopping in the Springs... GOD how I have misse Wet Seal!! I was sad cause it appears that Phen was in the mall yesterday and I missed seeing hers.... (>o<) So here is the fruits of that labor

Skirt: Wet Seal
Top: Old Navy
VK DVD Vol. 1&2: Hot Topic
WTB: New English EGL buuuut it's not out till April *pre-orders*And that is that for now. You will probably get more posts from me as the week goes on with what I'll be or have been up to!

Ja Matta!

PS: I hate how you have to place an image in these blogs... soooo annoying!

A Puzzling Proposition: The Dilemma

So as I mentioned in part one there was a flip side to this and here it is. I’m going to give a rather quick summary of the other point in the “triangle” If you want more info I can fill you in personally.

Alright so here we go. So there is a guy I met, via Facebook… don’t judge I think it’s a perfectly acceptable social networking tool so stuff it you fuddy duddies! Anyway I met this gentleman (not using his name because I don’t know if he’d like it that I was chattering on about him. If you were smart you’ll be able to use Facebook and figure out who he is. So he’s from the east coast and is a Lance Corporal, I believe in the United States Marine Corps. Oh and did I mention he’s Chinese?! Now your heart can start beating normally again I’m not chasing an all American blue eyed boy. So, I’ve talked to him for just over a month now. We speak daily either via TXT or chat depending. It’s not anything too deep and sticky, I should say, just getting to know each other better, talking about our days and such. We seem to agree on a lot of things and just enjoy talking to each other. It’s nice to wake up and have a message from him. It really brightens my day. And we’ve been talking and he has a lot of leave and at the moment is planning a four-ish day trip to Colorado to meet me. The original pretense was to snowboard but it doesn’t look like he will be doing that at all. Now here’s the problem.

I just don’t know his intentions. My jumpy female mind says, “Oh he doesn’t want to get serious with you, surely he doesn’t, buut then again he’s traveling across the country to see you that probably isn’t just a transcontinental booty call.” And we haven’t actually broached the subject of what our goals in this “acquaintance-ship” are, and if it’s alright for me to mention I think I might want to give a relationship a go, but I just don’t know where he stands which is frustrating with this new twist.

And here’s the twist. So remember Mr. Nightclub guy from the previous post? Yeah, that guy. Well he obviously made his intentions very clear that he would like to see me again and not just for coffee and to chat about the latest issue of People magazine, he even professed to my friend, “I totally dig your friend” sort of thing, and with his prompt follow up I think he’s at least mildly serious. And so now what do I do? I mean Mr. Nightclub is a real dear heart, we hit it off immediately and he’s stable and not to mention closer then the east coast. But on that same note, I think I probably know Mr. Marine much better and longer, and he’s at least attempted to make some more seriously chivalrous gestures… And let’s be honest you can’t argue with that uniform. And so I’m torn because I don’t know where I stand with Mr. Marine and I don’t want to give Mr. Nightclub an immediate answer that I may regret and will deprive Mr. Marine of his chance to give his pitch. And I can’t say whether he will actually appear to see me, he’s so far away and let’s face it, people don’t always hold to their word even when we want them to. *sigh* I mostly just want to know what Mr. Marine is thinking, if it’s “Well let’s just be good friends” or “I want you to be the one I come back from deployment to.”
Now perhaps I’m just thinking too hard about this but, really it just worries the dickens out of me because things when a little topsy-turvy in one night and now I’ve got a bit of a mess to clean up and somehow manage not to hurt anyone including myself in the process.

So let me know what you are thinking, cause I could sure use some advice, and some logical and “tell it to me straight” right now.

And if you had a hard time following along… a flowchart.
~Ms. Me~
/ ? \
Mr. Nightclub Mr. Marine