UPDATES: Me, Lolita and the USMC!

Okay so big warning! This is gonna be a HUGE post I have a lot to say!!

So UPDATES: (+=good things, -= bad things)


ME:

+/-Well things have been pretty boring since I returned home, I pretty much putz around my house and sew, watch BONES reruns and talk in the wee hours of the morning to my boyfriend.

+I have also managed to make it to the gym or play tennis 3 times a week at least! +However I do luckily have a job this summer! Only two days a week at the Colorado Renaissance Festival! It will be really fun and I will hopefully continue to loose some weight! I'm working at Friar Tuck's Bakery so come and see me! I need the customers! And we make really yummy stuff!!!

-If you know me well you know that I have had a reoccuring shoulder problem. Turns out it wasn't just stress, my muscle is actually overworking itself and having negative growth so its basically weaker and covering the muscle with new muscular scar tissue kind of stuff. So I am now doing physical therapy to help make the constant pain I have go away so I don't have to take meds for it!


USMC: For the full report venture to meh LJ.

-I'm also really depressed lately because I had to push my trip to North Carolina back... to August. I'm pretty sure Reagan was mad about that even though he only admitted mild disappointment. It will just be easier for me cause I won't be as stressed and I will get to stay with him for like eight days instead of just barely four... so I hope that we can hang in for these couple of months.

+ I recently joined a online chat and support group for Marine girlfriends, wives, and significant others! All the women I have talked to are just super nice and its really lovely to have women there that understand how hard it is to stand behind our men in uniform, and I am just hoping that when Reagan deploys I can have as much courage as those women do and I can support him when he is even FURTHER away from me! (The group is www.usmcgals.com)

+I mailed a small package to Reagan yesterday! It is adorable and I hope he will like it! I made it especially for his 24 hour duty this upcoming Wendsday night! But I can't tell you what's in it here! Or it would ruin the suprise! Perhaps after he receives it I will let the suprise out!


LOLITA DAY: Yesterday was International Lolita Day!

+ I not only got to see Leah again and hung out with her for like half the night, but also met two new Lolita! They were really nice a little shy but Danielle and I agreed that it was because we were a bit intimadating we weren't trying to be but we did talk brand and shop alot! XDD

+Today was super fun! I got to debut my new music note skirt... handmade and I even got a compliment that it looked professional and not handmade! YAY! I'm finally getting better!

+Reagan thought Lolita fashion was "aight" And he wouldn't totally be ashamed if I wore it out in public with him! YAY!

+We met many lovely people, including a lady who took a picture of us all together, a older couple at the crepe place we went to, and a shop girl in a REALLY beautiful shop... it fed the hime gyaru in me! And the shop girl talked and talked to us! We will soo have to go back to that shop again!

+When we had Boba downtown it was really neat! We met two girls from Japan that were like! OMG! Lolitas! "May we take your pictures??" And they just kept saying "Kawaii!" over and over! And they were so adorable!!! It was a lot of fun and I love it when I have a good experience!

+/- There were these ADORABLE bunnies in the pet store... but the one I really wanted who was just soo cute I can't have... damn the dorms.

- There was a homeless guy, a creepy guy who Leah was like "Umm goatees don't fit with Lolita style." XD, and several glares from people in the Chapel Hills Mall, shame on you for your lack of tolerence.

-I got sunburned! Owwie!

And that's about it!

PS: Totally pissed that the WonderGirls (Awesome Korean Pop girl group) will NOT be performing as an opening Act for the Jonas Brothers at MY SHOW! WHY??! Only three days later they join the tour... damn you Oregan and California!

Double PS: I totally read my best friend's mother's journal today! And I have to agree with what she said about being the presense of such history! It really can be breathtaking!

I made it!

Yeah that's right! I just finished my first year of college! And I'm rather sober and alive! Its a really great feeling. I definately think I could have done a lot better this year but you know its all about learning isn't it!? I know what to change for next year now! And so now I am taking a few minutes from packing to talk what happened this academic year!

-I finished my first year of formal Japanese, I believe I know somewhere around 150 to 200 kanji. I can write to my host sister in Japanese now!
-I can speak and hold a pretty nice conversation in Japanese!
-I got my first D on a paper... not good but weird.
-I wore Lolita in a school setting for the first time since I had a horrible experience in high school.
-I met some of the most wonderful frilly friends a Lolita could have! Here's to you Phen and Syd!! Supa <3s!
-I met my heterosexual lifemate! Asuka you make my half, a whole and it's awesome!
-I left the realm of singledom once again and am dating a wonderful man! Reagan, ngoh oi nei! (And yeah go laugh at my horrible Cantonese!)
- I learned that I really can be happy without having absolutely everything
-I now have a closer knit group of people that share my passion for Asian culture.
-I'm finally getting to make my dreams into reality.
-I successfully lived on my own.
-I've lost weight!
-I've had a hot teacher... Thanks Kurt North for teaching SPCM-200!

On a side note I had a wonderful time out withPhen and Syd yesterday evening in lolita! I can't wait till we get our brand stuff Syd! Or when we will get to have a sewing circle together!

Also today I went to see my Japanese class before their final and I got this warm fuzzy feeling when I said goodbye it was really nice for everyone to wish me good bye and a good summer! みな！がんばってください！！！！！！ I will also miss seeing Mori-sensei! She is so fun and I love the fact that we love drama and that Sojiro is her favorite from F4! *sigh* Now only if there was somewhere she could tell me so I could go learn tea ceremony! Cause I've always wanted to do it!

Well that's all for now! Back to packing!

Ja mata!

PS: And Phen cause I know you are reading this I hope you know that I think you and senpai will be soo sweet if it all goes in your favor... and yah I sorta wanted a big J-dorama showdown... ya know how I do.

Another week down!

I made it through another week of classes! Only one week and finals left! WHEEE!!!! I'm sooo friggin ready for summer!!

Today I was at work... and I cut my finger on the tomato slicer! It hurts!! But I now have a Hello Kitty Band-Aid on it and that is definately helping infinately!

I also had the Japanese composition today and I will be honest, I'm pretty sure I did miserable on it. I am mostly disappointed in myself because I know I am capable of doing a lot better, and doing things, like memorizing all the kanji... but I've just been taking the easy road... which is sad and now that I am at crunch time I am really feeling my slacking this term and it makes me upset because I know how much other people have invested in me (namely my parents) and the last thing I want to do is let them all down! Cause I've already been flaky when it comes to what I wanted to do with my life. And now with hindsight I am seeing that I can't let things keep going they way their are both with my finances and my academics. And I need to push past my exhaustion and get that boulder over the hill, but it's certainly hard to find the motivation but I am trying to get things back together.

Some goodish news. The exam for my Genetics course that I thought I bombed well I actually got a 78%! Yeah it's not a good grade persay but it's the best one I've had in that class so far and I just need a C (which may still kill my father but.... c'est la vie non?) to pass but I'm going to do my damnest to get things together for this final and hopefully yank my grade up to a B-, which would be sweet!

In other news I've added two more shifts to work which is good cause I can have money to spend in LA and still have a tinny bit for visiting Reagan... is it selfish and easy for me to succum to his request and let him pay for my visit to see him... yeah... I thought soo....

And speaking of Reagan, we are doing well and he told me last night that he wasn't telling me things not because he didn't want to it was because he just isn't used to having someone he can totally be open with and so it will "take me some time" but at least that's a start. You gotta love men and their pride. XDD

So anyway I have a letter to read and reply to from an old high school teacher and then I will write one to Reagan... then maybe treat myself to the latest ep of Grey's... or BONES... hmm choices... it's gonna be a wild Friday night. Lulz.


PS: Phen! Stop beating me in posting all da time! Serious! I feel like I'm copying joo!!

Ja mata! (>3<)v

We Can Make It Through!

Gotta love that Arashi song, mostly cause the video is hilarious but anyway!

So the news, it's official I am going to North Carolina for a week or two this summer! I'm soo excited I can't wait to see Reagan again! I miss him so much! And it will be fun to meet all his buddies, cause he talks or rather bitches about them all the time, that and it will be my first time going to the East Coast!!! (>w<) I hopefully can convince him to drive me to Duke so I can see my friend Dovina while she is doing a summer reasearch project there.

In other news... I registered for classes last week and here are the results

Monday:
1200-1250: Survey of British Literature
1300-1350: Japanese Year II
1400-1450: Introduction to American Literature
1500-1550: 300 Level Composition: Writing Arguments

Tuesday:
1300-1350: Japanese Year II

Wendsday:
1200-1250: Survey of British Literature
1300-1350: Japanese Year II
1400-1450: Introduction to American Literature
1500-1550: 300 Level Composition: Writing Arguments

Thursday:
1300-1350: Japanese Year II

Friday:
1200-1250: Survey of British Literature
1300-1350: Japanese Year II
1400-1450: Introduction to American Literature
1500-1550: 300 Level Composition: Writing Arguments

My schedule is like exactly the same, lulz but no need to worry about that now... Thankfully I only have to keep it together for three more weeks then I'm free!!!!!!

The space between YOU and ME

TO: YOU

"I worry."

That's two words. I wish YOU would say more on that. Elaboration is... essential. What is the context and source of this "worry", what are YOU worrying about?

It tells ME nothing, are you worried about something small like apricots, how old those Chinese leftovers are, or are YOU worrying about something bigger, orders, insecurities, about ME and what I do, or someone else, or even for YOU? My list could go on for days.

YOU said YOU didn't know what to say and YOU didn't know what YOU were feeling, but what's more frustrating was your hesitation to try and communicate what was going on in that head of yours. It was ME that painfully yanked the meager morsels out of YOU. I wish I didn't have to do that.

YOU said, "If YOU were here it would be easier for ME to say." What difference does that make, sure YOU can look at ME but the same words, in the same tones I know so well are going to come out aren't they? And despite how this distance makes ME practially curl up in agony at night I know that it's better to have agony then not have YOU at all. So I just want YOU to be honest and brave for ME, just like I know YOU are.

I am frustrated that YOU hesitate to even say something. Just say something, it may sound wrong, or insane or just plain, made no sense, but at least YOU said something. You're still bothered by what ever it is, I can tell and that's got me bothered.

And so, YOU are one bothered, and ME, I am the other bothered....And two bothers is just another bother, when WE shouldn't have to be bothered at all.

Love,
ME

Quickly!

So it's friggin Monday again... Lord how I hate the first day of the week! It drives me totally nuts! But anyway quick blog that is really just rambling if you wanna read about it.

-I'm working three shifts of work today, the next one starting in roughly 25 minutes. Go me and needing money and subbing for people.

-These past couple weeks I've suddenly done a lot of spontaneous and some stupid things. Like, donating 60 dollars to child cancer research, and shopping (niether of which I can afford at the moment) dye my hair, fall down stairs, and tell my mother about Reagan. Not to mention just put off my homework till I have a pile of it, which is now staring me in the face. Don't ask me why I've been doing these things cause I can't friggin tell you!

-I'm totally afraid that I'm about to tumble down the slippery slope. I'm so tired these days that I can barely stand and my Genetics grade is going to be the death of me, how is it that I study and the the worst grade I've had all term.

-I'm frustrated about Japanese. I didn't like the way my presentation went. XP and now in trying to find an oral interview partner I'm being left behind again, I really want to do well on this however chances are I will end up with a bum partner again... but really nothing I can do about it I guess, still its frustrating.

-Spring is flying by so fast that it's scaring me, and I still don't have summer jobs held down, which is driving me up a wall, cause I need to have the money so I can do things, like travel to the East Coast to see Reagan, that means a lot to me right now. And I'm frustrated for putting in all the hard work to like apply and such and then places are like "We don't need people anymore" or "I'm sorry we lost the application you hand delivered to us.".

-I still feel like a bad girlfriend. I made some brownies for Reagan this week, and they tasted very good, I just hope they will get to him before his duty tomorrow and that he will like what I wrote in the letter as well. But I feel bad because I can't really do anything that shows how much I care about him and that I want to put a lot of effort into this relationship but at the same time I'm not willing to sacrifice anything on my own schedule. He says he's okay with the fact that if it has to be him travelling to see me again, then that's how it will be, but that's not okay with me, one because I don't want him spending another small fortune to spend a few hectic days with me where half the time I will be working, that's not fair to him. That probably sounds petty but I guess I'm just trying to have my cake and eat it too.

*sighs* Okay so I'm now ending this shitty Monday rant, and oddly I feel just a bit better, but not too much.

FYI: Here's the new do.

Easter... for Takeout!

So today I got a box from my Mom for Easter and it had many a cute thing in it, as well as my bloomers which I left at home last time! YAY! So now I have proper undergarments again! I can walk in the wind without fear! I miss my mother but I feel better when I get a box from her, cause everything in it smells like home as weird as that sounds.

So here is the fruits of the package and my outfit for today and Phen thank you for telling me I look sunny! I needed it today, even though it probably didn't show.

So lately I've been bumming pretty hard because things are constantly building and I'm stressing like no other. Also I've had this overwhelming lack of motivation I just can't see why I'm doing what I'm doing when I wake up some days. I'm like... why am I even doing this I don't even really want to! Please let me roll over, open my eyes and I will be a housewife, and not an English student.I can't decide why I'm thinking this way because I really am passionate about English and teaching abroad and travelling to Japan, not as much as I am interested in some sciences like fertility and development and then forensic science, but my love of language is still a passion.I just hate being weighed down by all the assessments and extra STUFF we have to do for all of our classes, it's really got me down.

*sigh* I also am really missing Reagan, like everyday, and I'm so thankful that he is willing to sacrifice his few precious hours of sleep so that he can listen to me whine (cause that's really what I'm doing) and chatter with no real importance. His phone calls are what keep me going this past week or so, I just tell myself "If I can make it to tonight I can tell Reagan everything." I don't want to take him for granted I'm just not sure how I can repay him. He says he loves it when I just talk to him.... but for some reason I don't fully believe him, but maybe I'm just not used to a man actually truely caring like he possibly does.

Along that same line there has been talk of him making a return visit in May and I think that would be just lovely because the weather will be nice and I will get to see him again, but at the same time I'm so upset because he will have flown out twice and the SOONEST I will be able to afford to fly and see him is in August, which I hate, cause I feel like I'm not equally contributing.

Granted I feel worse when he threatens to just buy me a ticket to North Carolina and send it to me.

And also cause I'm missing Reagan.... another picture this time with the bear he gave me while he was here... but somehow he doesn't quite replace the real thing!