Shove It Cinderella!

Funny how things can turn over in a day and bitch slap you in the face.

It's around eleven at night and I should be sound asleep after having talked to Reagan... but no. I'm blogging again. My reason is because I'm angry, upset, depressed, confused and just plain miffed!So what's got my bloomers in a knot you ask? Well Mr. Marine himself of course!

Tonight he told me on good authority that the Marine Corps. Ball is to be held on November 14th this year. A Saturday! That's just fine and dandy... only problem I have class on Friday... and Monday so I would only be able to fly out and stay two nights at best. And because my father is a sort of stick in the mud there is no way I can skip out on classes and flit across the country to play princess for a night... so my trip has to begin AFTER class ends at 4pm... but the only flights I can make... well they cost over $300... at the cheapest. It makes me want to cry soo hard!!!

I don't think Reagan understands how much something like this ball means to me. Yes its selfish of me... but I am human. Its not just a dress up party to booze it up and eat cake. Its status, its important, its solidifying and its pride. It's status because it puts me on the map in his world in more then an informal setting with his buddies. It's important because well, it something I've always wanted to attend and you all should know how important things like balls are to us girls, I can't quite explain it. It solidifies... like a status, it says, yes I do exist I am the woman that supports him and am there to make him the best man that he can possibly be. And lastly its my pride. I almost hate to write about this but I think I should say it so eventually I can tell him... I tried explaining it and well I don't think he got the message.

So, my pride. I am not the most patriotic American out there, but when I decided to date Reagan I wasn't just dating him the wonderful man (though that is the vast majority) I am dating the MARINE. Everything they stand for honor, country, duty, responsiblity, courage, strength, leadership, stability... need I go on? Are all qualities that are VASTLY important to me when it comes to the men I want to be around. If there is one thing I can't stand its people without a mission... and without the Marines I worried that Reagan may just turn out to be one of those people. And I just can't deal with floundering... there has to be a plan. And its like he doesn't really have a clue on reality it seems about what to do after the Marines.... and I'm probably thinking WAAAY too far into the future here but I don't think that's something I could continue supporting... so I can support him now but shouldn't I be reasonable about it and not blow upwards of $500 on a fantastic weekend that won't probably bring me any benefit other then a feel good time?

Regardless, I'm frustrated with him and his lack of thought expression. If he's mad I wish he'd just say it... or if he has an opinon with regards to me or there is something he wants to say then he should just tell me straight up even if it hurts. I'm getting tired of hearing "Whatever Babe", "Nevermind babe." or my personal favorite "I don't care babe." GAH!! It's like "Don't you dare make me claw it out of you GODDAMMIT!"

And finally the last thing that's annoying me.... as usual is MONEY. So pretty much for the second part of my trip and all the while I've been back home Reagan is holding his $1000 credit card bill (most of which involves me) over my head. Which is exactly what I was afraid would happen after he insisted on covering the rooms. We could have gone dutch that's totally fine with me. And he wanted to eat out at nice places almost the whole time! Iwould have been fine with one lovely meal and PB&J with juice boxes for the rest... but no! I swear he wouldn't have that! And I didn't say anything because he seemed so adamit about taking me to various places and doing various things... I was afraid that finances were gonna bite me in the ass... and they are and I'd offered to help him with the bill all that I can but the answer to that is "No, babe, I'll manage... but GAWD you're expensive!" A vicious cycle....Okay... I think I'm done ranting now... at least for the moment.So Dov you can stop stalking your LJ and read, contemplate and comment.