So my host sister from Japan when I was in high school was having a very bad day today and I gave her a call. Since she is now stateside... (Reno Nevada) and I didn't realize how much I missed her until now!

We talked about how she has had a persistant guy from high school keep saying he likes her and she doesn't like him and that was upsetting her, so I tried to give her some advice then she taught me a new word in Japanese! 　It's: 告白　（こくはく） It's like used for a declaration of love!! I was like cool!! And we talked so we both got to practice our language skills, even though I'm a bit intimidated to talk to her still I think speaking a little bit of Japanese at least made her feel more comfortable.

And I talked to her about going to Yamagata and she says "Oh! I can't understand their accent! SOOO strange!" I laughed. She also has picked up some bad words while here and its just barely been a month! So far she's got f***, bitch (which I taught her waay back when), asshole and her new word... cunt... I was like! OH! Don't say that!!!

Anyway it was so nice to talk to her and I hope that she can come stay with me at the end of the semester or something or I can afford to go see her before she goes back to Japan. But as for today I'm hoping I made her day a little less sad.

PS: She also called me slim!! She's soo nice and we joked about being fat from American food and needing to both eat more salads! There is a recent picture of her taken in Nevada!

Tossing and Turning

Once again yesterday night was a bad night... a bad bad one. I had a wonderful time out with everyone (Danielle, Andrew, Daniel, Kaylee, Arlet) at J-drama night, but when I got back and I did some homework for my Composition class that was soo hard I wanted to cry I skyped Reagan and instead of talking to him and making us both happy I ended up sobbing via webcam and just making Reagan sit quietly because he couldn't do anything.

I hate doing that to him because I'm soo certain that when I cry he's worried he did something wrong... like the first time I cried in front of him and then when I was visiting in August I had a bit of a break down because of a little comment he made about my appearence ( the little mole on my left cheek) where I got soo self concious I actually hit his hand away and wouldn't let him touch me. I think it really freaks him out that I'm not totally 100% emotionally stable and he's not sure what to say or do... I just don't want him to start hating me for it, I'm trying to be a stronger person for him and for myself... I am!

But back to the point... I was soo upset last night because university is really wearing on me... between my finances, my job, my schoolwork and trying to be a better more confident person and the perfect girlfriend I'm just feeling like I'm falling seriously behind. I'm sliding down an muddy hill and its raining... It is scaring me. For instance I can't seem to grasp things in my composition class. Today in Japanese for the life of me I couldn't figure out what was going on and then my anxiety for this cultural project (which is a little at ease... the guys actually seem like they want to apply themselves... so it may work) and my composition paper due next week... among everything else I just broke under the weight last night.

Quite honestly I don't even know why I'm going to college for a degree, I mean I don't really want it. I love to learn and I love Japanese its soo interesting but all this extra work... and for what so I can teach for like three to five years and then become a housewife. That is what I WANT, I just want to make a perfect little home for my husband and my family and take pride in my sewing and in my ironing and my cleaning and my home and my cooking. That's all I want but I have to be realistic and it makes me so upset sometimes... its like... why should I even bother.... because my dream is no longer truely socially acceptable.

Truths In Ten!

So MagnificantDebra posted a Ten True Things Meme... and I wanted to do it, however I am only going to tell positive things... I could use a little personal pick me up.

1. I will rarely admit it but I love wandering around in my giant sweatpants (they are an obscene purple color) and a ratty T-shirt... I call it loungewear chic.

2. I really do think its odd that people think I have a lovely smile... well in pictures, I just feel posed but I love to smile and when its candid I couldn't feel more beautiful!

3. I do soo much daydreaming that sometimes I convince myself that whatever I'm dreaming about will be around the next corner.

4. I am a hopeless romantic, I love roses, candlelight, ever lasting love and a white picket fence.

5. My greatest ambition is to one day become a wonderful wife and homemaker for man who I happen love more then anything...

6. I have a weakness for bunny rabbits... (and pandas) Especially mini lops! So cuute!!!

7. Strawberries are my absolute favorite food! I will sit and eat them all day and everyday if I could.

8. I love to bake and make desserts, they are just so delicious and decadent. I love it! So rewarding and no one can truely pass up dessert!

9. I can't wait until the day I can read Beatrix Potter's stories of Peter Rabbit to my child.

10. I have yet to tell this person this... but I am soo thankful that he has shown me that I can once again be getting comfortable in my own skin again, and that not wearing makeup all the time is perfectly okay, I'm still just as beautiful.